


The Only Roads Are Cul-De-Sacs

by alstweinLUVIA



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto)-centric, Dirty Jokes, Gen, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Kakashi is a bit of a neat freak, Oneshot, Sassy Uchiha Sasuke, Sexual Humor, Team Kakashi - Freeform, team seven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 04:56:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alstweinLUVIA/pseuds/alstweinLUVIA
Summary: "'Fess up. Who used my bunk without even at least changing the sheets?" Kakashi asks calmly but his eyes boiled with anger.Or Kakashi bans his male band mates from coming lest they pay fifty thousand ryo. Modern AU. Band Tour AU. Open ended oneshot?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This will be my first fanfic to be posted and it's not actually finished yet, so please tell me if it's okay for a sequel or this oneshot is enough. I haven't thought this fic through yet because I am working on a fic with the same AU as this but on a more serious and detailed writing. That fic isn't done yet but it's like halfway through, so I hope for feedback on this because I like this AU very much and I want to write more about it, I just need time to develop it. Thank you for reading! :D
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Naruto series, Masashi Kishimoto owns them all.

 

**The Only Roads Are Cul-De-Sacs**

It's the third leg of their Will of Fire Tour when Kakashi slips into his bunk after showering in the tiny bus shower. He pauses when he opens the curtains and smells something familiar, and dismisses it as the smell of his pug who hasn't bathed for the duration of the tour.

Pakkun must have been sleeping in his bunk while they performed earlier. _But this isn't stinky Pakkun smell._  Kakashi thinks and shrugs, choosing to ignore the smell. He resolves to give the dog a much needed bath when they reach the next arena.

Squeezing inside the tiny space, he curses as usual because the dimensions of his bunk isn't favorable with his height. When he finally lays down on his mattress he feels something cool on his back and the realization drops on him like the bass of their song _Raikiri_.

" _Son of a_ \--" Kakashi jumps and hits his head on the bunk above. He hisses and quickly dives out of his sleeping quarters. He savagely claws his shirt off, turning it inside out once it is removed. He looks furiously at the white stain on the lower back of his shirt and decides against the idea of sniffing at it to confirm his suspicions. He rips the hospital mask from his face and draws the curtains of his bunk. He feels his blood boil at the sight of the suspicious white liquid that had obviously stained his black shuriken printed sheets.

"Formation two!" Kakashi shouts and Naruto's head pops out from the bunk opposite his.

"Yeah?" The blonde removes the headphones from his ears and rolls out of his bunk.

Yamato appears along with Sai a second later and Kakashi has to wait for a full minute before Sasuke appears from the small kitchenette.

"We have to discuss something important." Kakashi starts but Sasuke scoffs and mutters, "Obviously."

"Hey! No sassing." Kakashi glares at Sasuke.

"But Sakura-chan isn't here yet." Naruto pouts.

"It's Formation Two, Naruto." Sai says and smiles mechanically at him. 

"What's Formation Two?" The blonde asks dumbly and Yamato sighs. 

"Idiot. It's an all _guys_ meeting." Sasuke answers him with a roll of his eyes. 

"Well, sorry to sound idiotic. Formation One is all I know!" Naruto gibes.

"Besides, if it's an all guys meeting then why are  _you_ here?" He looks at the Uchiha pointedly and Kakashi has to pull Sasuke by his collar to prevent him from killing the blonde.

"Sasuke, Naruto, quit it." Kakashi says sternly and both boys resort to glaring each other to death instead. 

"So what is this about, Senpai?" Yamato prompts with a hand.

Kakashi opens the curtains to his bunk wider and gestures eloquently inside. 

"Look inside, take a good whiff, and tell me that, that isn't  _cum_ on my sheets." He says and puts much disgust on the expression of his uncovered face. 

Everyone does as he says and pulls away a few seconds later with sour faces. 

"Sensei, you don't have to show us that you come bucket loads." Naruto says, scandalized.

"No need to brag, Kakashi." Yamato tells him off with a shake of his head. 

"Geez. When was the last time you had sex, old man?" Sasuke accuses.

"I don't think the cleaner would want to work for us anymore." Sai comments thoughtfully.

"Oh, aren't you all such _good_ liars? You know what I mean." Kakashi closes his eyes and massages his temples with his thumb and forefinger. 

Everyone around the silver haired shares a look of confusion before Sasuke opens his mouth.

"What the fuck do you mean, man?" Sasuke asks exasperatedly as he crosses his arms over his chest. Kakashi sighs tiredly and throws his hands up.

"'Fess up. Who used my bunk without even at least changing the sheets?" Kakashi asks calmly but his eyes boiled with anger.

"Wha--? In your--bu?" Naruto sputters and roars in laughter, doubling over. "That is  _definitely_ not me!"

"How so?" Kakashi questions with an arch of a brow.

"Wanna see my stash of used condoms?" The blonde offers with a cheeky grin.

"Ew." Sai says quietly but his face is smiling as always. 

"Okay, Naruto is out of the question." Kakashi says immediately and looks at the remaining men with narrowed eyes. 

"It's Sasuke." Yamato jabs a thumb Sasuke's way and makes  _tsk_ sounds.

"Excuse me?" Sasuke glares at the brunette, his eyes flashing red with how much he got riled up.

"The guy doesn't wear a condom because apparently he's too busy spreading the seeds of Uchiha joy." Yamato explains to Kakashi as if he was asked about the weather. 

"I do not just _spread_ my spe--but that's beside the point! It's not me, Kakashi. So stop glaring kunais at me or I shove one up your ass." Sasuke finishes coolly and Sai makes a show of applauding him.

"Yeah, because Sasuke has one so far up his own ass." Naruto whispers to Yamato and the brunette chuckles quietly to himself.

"Then maybe it's Sai. Quiet, smiling, evil little shit, Sai." Kakashi taunts the pale young man but said young man only smiles wider and cocks his head to the side.

"I do it in the shower." He says and flicks his head to the direction of the shower. "Would you like to see a demonstration?"

Kakashi zones Sai's voice out after that and turns to Yamato accusingly. "You."

"I'm claustrophobic. I don't enjoy orgasms as much in closed spaces." Yamato smirks and bags his win when Kakashi sighs and closes his bunk curtains. 

He stays quiet for a moment and looks at each one of them with an unreadable look.

"I hereby ban any of you from coming. If you do, that's fifty thousand ryo straight to Tsunade's gambling account. And when I say Tsunade, it's Tsunade-fucking-hime of the Sannin Corporation that loses every damn time." Kakashi announces with such commanding voice even Naruto sobered up from his teasing spree.

"Can't it just go to her hospital?" The blonde suggests.

"No."

"Come on, Kakashi. At least make it so that this shitty ban is for a good cause." Yamato reasons as he tiredly scratches the back of his neck.

"No. It's so you regret staining my sheets." 

"Nobody here stained your sheets." Yamato replies exasperatedly.

"We will see." Kakashi says lowly, his deep timbre burning with the promise of retribution. "Meeting adjourned."

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Arctic Monkey's song, Temptation Greets You Like A Naughty Friend. I would have wanted to use that as the title but I thought it's too long. Please tell me your thoughts. Would you like a sequel? Thank you for reading! ^u^


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